Thursday, November 19, 2015


The Little One of the big Joint Family was too noisy around and the Mom was double of that in controlling his activities.. And she was getting tired beyond because of that..

But the social pressures around her were not less and at times were demanding beyond the Lady's energies and were very much sitting on her nerves..

She was helpless for a while not knowing in which direction she had to answer and in which direction she has to move.. And the comments from the family members were no less there..

  • "It takes just a few hrs for you to concentrate here and finish this job.. The child will be taken care by us for a while as you get into this.. Why are you so indifferent to what we tell?"
  • "It's again your responsibility here to take care of these matters.. If you start saying that my child alone is important, it's totally meaningless.. We too are here to care for your child.."
  • "I just want to take care of the Little One for a while.. Can't you leave him to me and relax for a while?"
  • "You can't say that you'll stick all the time to your child.. You've here other works too and you are least bothered to...."
  • "If you just sit with your child, how other issues will be taken care? We too are some people for you to care for and do....."
  • "Take a few hrs off from your boy as he is equally happy with us.. Leave that work for us, get ready and go for....."
Different advices in different directions, a few pointing-outs on the neglect of some activities, expressing a feeling that others were not cared for in the process of the so called child care and finally bringing out the point that she had become too selfish with the child care and not caring even for the closest people.. Many many such pointing-outs, criticisms, advices etc.. etc...

The Lady no doubt used to bear all that to a certain extent but when her energies started running out, she used blurt out and a few times silently used to cry within herself.. All that conflict was taking place around but her child care work all along was going on 100% without an exception..

An elderly Well-wisher, a man of certain wisdom having observed this behavior of the Family Members, was initially keeping quite but at length could not control himself beyond and on a fine day said in front of all,

"Dear all! Of late, I'm seeing you all repeatedly pointing out the young mother for neglect of her duties in other fields and towards you too singly sticking to her child.. Please tell me, why are you all up with your anger on her in this pointing-out?"

"What's that we asked her, here? We are just telling, every mother brings up her child, that's not all in life.. She should care for others too, involve with them and to a certain extent try to find their welfare and do something at least a min for them.. Just that she has her child now does not mean we've vanished from the scene.. She should be more considerate.. That's all.. We are telling.. Otherwise, it's not good for her!" 

Said a Member annoyed by the extra support given to the Lady by the elderly.. The elderly man smiled and said,

  • "Dear! Please understand that whatever be the importance you feel in respect of certain works to be done by the lady which you feel are a must at this stage, are really not there for her and she has every discretion of deciding in this and openly say 'NO' to all these as she feels that her child needs her full attention.. She is 100% correct here and you are none to decide on that course of action for her.. If she with all ease and peace of mind decides to do the secondary work other than her child care, it's her wish and I advise you not to bring pressure on her pointing out that she is neglecting another responsibility.. 
  • To tell you openly other than caring for herself and her child at this point of time, there's no such great sacred work in front of her which she is failing to do.. Further, I tell you with a firm belief from my side that presently she can refuse to attend to a critical requirement elsewhere too in case that attention is going to create a deficiency in her child care.. 
  • And again to say.. That decision of what to do, what not to do, when to do, where to do etc.. etc.. in this regard should purely be left to her wish and will at this stage and we should be by her side equally honoring her decision.. Anything less of this is never good for our family now and it's better we all rise to this one time requirement presently in front of us and act accordingly!"


  1. Nice post sir. Every family structure has its own advantage and disadvantage. In a joint family it can be stressful for a mom with a small child, when there are too many people to advice on things which can be left for the person to decide by herself.

  2. Nice post sir. Every family structure has its own advantage and disadvantage. In a joint family it can be stressful for a mom with a small child, when there are too many people to advice on things which can be left for the person to decide by herself.

    1. Thanks Somali.. The young Mothers in our families no doubt are benefited thru' the help of other family Members but equally are stretched out of their energies beyond.. A change in the attitude of the supporting Members helps here a lot!

  3. The no of advice is directly proportional to the no of people surrounding us. If the advice is good then that should be accepted. But to have people who really gives correct advice based on the situation is also not possible always. In fact there are many whose firm job is to give only advice and most of the times those advices are irrelevant. So its better to just listen and decide according to our own judgement given by conscience.
    Nice post with a message sir.

    1. Yes.. Ashish! No doubt the support has its own advantage but equally demands a price attached there in.. A balance forever helps with more importance given to the freedom of expression of the needed Personalities!

  4. Whenever I read one of your posts, there's a message involved, strong or subtle. Both nuclear and joint family systems have their own sets of advantages and disadvantages. I grew up in a joint, and now live in a nuclear, so well-versed with both.

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    1. Thanks for such an appreciative Comment, Leena.. Yes.. I do the needful requested here in to leave my Comment!

  5. As a parent it's very difficult to take care of your child these days. The child is learning and so are you. I know, advises keeps on pouring, but some are mere remarks. People should understand that every child is different and let the parents decide how to raise their own kids.

    1. You rightly conveyed my message in a broader way, Saru.. If I just listen, smile, leave issues and act according to what is right or the best in the situation known to me, nothing to talk on what is mentioned in the Post.. Unfortunately, most of the people are limited here and they sometimes feel bad for the same well wishers' comments.. Disturbed thus, they a few times may stop doing what exactly is required in the situation.. There alone the Post talks.. Thank you very much for further elaborating the subject!