A man of mid fifties, part of a big family used to do only certain specific works every day evening, on holidays and Sundays for the family. Rest of the time he had his own active job…. The family expected him to do certain other works during those periods but he never used to do them….
Whenever they pointed out saying that he was not at all helping, he used to always justify that his works too were essential for the family and thus used to be busy.
The family was never happy with his attitude, but could do nothing beyond and finally gave up. At the same time, they could not point out much as the man used to do all the basic works required for his maintenance and living by himself! That way, his own essentials were with him all the while....
A close friend, who for some time was observing that behavior, could not keep it anymore to himself and one fine day straight away asked him thus, “My dear! It is a funny situation I am seeing….Your family wants you to do in one way and you do totally in a different way! Any how you are struggling with all of your works throughout the day and not resting a minute….But then, why to live with this conflict? Why don’t you straight away start doing what the family members tell you to do, thus be in 'no conflict' zone and at the same time take proudly the benefits from all by quoting the hard work done as per their requirement? Any how they are not telling you to do the wrong or non welfare works....They are only asking you to be with them in their own doings as a supporting person! You are now a loner and even though you do all other works for the family, there is a constant conflict and thus your life is going on….It is strange!”
“Yes! My dear! What all you have said may be seen outwardly as true…. But there is a catch here and it is not so difficult to get to the point” the man replied with a broad smile….
The friend looked at him unable to understand! The man continued, “See! You may do any type of odd work through an order of a person with certain learning if required but you can never do the same work as per the wish of that person! Further, once someone takes up a work as his/her own with certain pride, assisting the person in that work as a friend is impossible as there would be a constant supervision by him/her and he/she goes on directing you every minute on how to do that work! Here, either a man with slavery mentality will work or a workman for wages where the relation is bereft of love….
In intimate relations where love prevails between the members, the best discipline would be not to do these works along with the members unless there is a hold up! At that point of time also, one should just give a minimum support to enable the member come out of the difficulty and further keep off….In the long run, this discipline alone works for true peace in the family….
In my case, there are equally other important works with me to be done for the family. And I am a free man there to do these works! So, let me be doing all these works for the family and wherever over lapping with their works arises, let it be though a minimum involvement from my side....Thus, right works by the right people in right time will be done which is always good for a family…. Should we not be ever doing in this way?”